"I don't like dead"

Mike's sister and her family lost a beloved dog a few years ago. Her eldest son was probably about five or so, and I remember her telling us that he and his father were out for a walk some time after Sarah had died, and he turned to his father and said, "I don't like dead."

I've just found out that a friend and colleague of mine died the day before yesterday. We were supposed to get together for tea and a chat a few weeks ago, but my children and I were all fighting off a virus, and I didn't want to expose her to it, given her weakened immune system. After that, I got caught up in the diagnosis of a fatal disease in our kitten, and the whirl of caring for him and dealing with his death. We kept emailing, but we never did get to make up our tea date.

I know that it's a selfish reaction - my friend had faith, and had been sick for quite a long while, but right now, I have to say that my nephew summed it up really well for me. I've lost my kitten, and a friend, and at this moment, I don't like dead.

Soccer

Collin played his first soccer season this fall. Now I know why they call it 'magnet ball' at this age - much running about, sometimes in the correct direction. They all had fun, and Collin definitely got better at learning how to focus on the field. More importantly, he enjoyed it enough that he wants to do it again, which is really all I ask - I want to see him involved in teams and groups whenever I can. They're awfully cute at this age as they racket about.

Remlinger Farm pt 2

The kids really had a lot of fun. This is a great place for younger children, and while it isn't cheap, it's still much less expensive than anything else of this type I've seen. Willow adored the 'canoes' - but then, if it involves water, she's your girl. Collin is sporting his new buzz cut in these shots. He acquired my sewing shears without my noticing, and proceded to try to express himself in the avant garde school with his head. Willow only lost a few locks, and it didn't show, but he really did a number on himself. (I had those things well up and out of sight, too - I can only conclude he went exploring while I thought he was asleep. My little ninja. Sigh.)

Remlinger Farm

Willow had her first pony ride at Remlinger Farm at the end of August. She absolutely loved it, and probably still remembers the names of all three ponies that she was on (she ran back twice over the course of the day.) Then again, I suppose I still remember - I believe they were Vanilla, Cinnamon, and Plum. I can't remember any number of other things, but that critical detail is engraved forever.

Sky moves on

Sky died on Monday. He was five months old. I feel as if I have a physical wound. Willow was very involved in the burial; Collin demanded to see him right away and once he had, wouldn't have anything else to do with burying Sky. He's angry a lot the past couple of days, which is normal - he has a very hard time just grieving, or crying - he gets mad instead. About absolutely everything, right now.

I wouldn't trade the two months we had with our little furball with anything. I wish he could have stayed around longer.

Skyfire

Last Wednesday we found out our kitten has FIP, Feline Infectious Peritonitis. It's invariably fatal, usually within three weeks. He's home with us right now, but has already slowed down a lot. Today he's stopped moving around as often, and hasn't really eaten since this morning. He still wants to be beside us, and will purr from time to time, but I think we're seeing the end of the road coming fairly quickly now. I've lost pets before, and it always hurts. Somehow this is almost worse to me. He's only five months old, and I find myself wanting to stomp my foot and yell about how unfair this is. We've explained what's going on to our children. Our daughter understands, but I don't think it will be real to her until Sky is gone. Our son does understand, and I can see that it's taking a toll on him. He came up to me the other morning and told me that he doesn't want our baby to die. This morning he told Sky that he was so sorry, and that it was ok, as he was stroking him very gently.

I've never before been in the position of having to decide whether and when to euthanize my pet. I've gone through it, but it hasn't been my call until now. It's hard to figure out the difference between respecting life and prolonging beyond an acceptable quality of life - defining the latter is where I'm having trouble. It's hard not to get my hopes up when Sky is having an upswing and is a little more active. He's such a remarkable little guy.

These are pictures from over the past month. I'll post a current picture as soon as we replace the cable we need to load pictures from our camera, along with pictures of Collin and Willow.